All right, I’m finally going to admit it.
I love hard. I hurt bad. And I’ve been numb for the past 6 years of my life.
I fell in love. I jumped in love. I laid in love. I played with love. I know love very well. Love and I were friends and we broke up when I was 17.
Since then, I’ve been doing whatever I had to, to not crawl into a dark corner and cry my soul away.
Since then, my dreams just haven’t been the same. They’re constant. I haven’t slept.
The other week I had a dream that he stood next to me. I didn’t see his face or feel his touch, but I heard his voice. And all he said was “trust me”
I woke up and realized that I’m doing it again.
I’m going back to that place I worked so hard to run away from. That place regular girls dig themselves out of everyday.
I haven’t been able to write anything worth sharing for the past month because all I’ve been doing is thinking about him.
Remembering his touch, his smile, his eyes and the whispers of his words that convinced me the pot was forever
Little things can’t escape my mind. The way he let me be free... but caught me right before I rolled off the couch. Shit like that.
Or sleep. I remember it so well.
People grow up, people grow apart, and people grow out of each other. Move on and experience new and better “something” worth letting go of everything you know... To learn more.
Right?
Every guy I’ve dated since has given that expression when he didn’t think I was there.
Pure Confusion.
How can someone so intelligent be so empty?
“You’re depressed”
‘You’re lazy”
“You’re unmotivated”
“You’re cold”
Guys who have been chasing me for years had finally given up.
New ones search high and low for a connection to only find an anonymous smile.
I’ll be your best friend. Your comedian. Your chef. Your maid. Your therapist.
I’ll give you my ideas, my time, my ears, my shirt, my body,
But you don’t get me.
Until now.
Because for the first time since, I’m being honest... From the heart
and that's how it's going to be from now on
